“Win/Win”

“No penis…no purpose”

We are raised to believe that love is a process. You meet someone, discover a connection, share with them the deepest corners of the self you conceal from the world, hold their hand, share a kiss, fall into romantic bliss, commit your life to being with them, discover sexual gratification together after you’re married, have children, live happily ever after…

…”Sound familiar”

This is the story driven by most modern day cultures to adolescents around the world. It hasn’t evolved much in the past few hundred years, even though societies have. The story hasn’t changed, but the perspective for adolescence has. Technology has given humans a powerful platform for sexual discovery, and it’s not all good, or necessarily bad either. What it is, is a potential mechanism for rational opportunity, if we don’t fuck it up like we did with the teachings of religion. You see, ideology trumped benefit there, and we see all over the news how that’s working out? Imagine if you will, a cultivation of healthy sexual expression based upon a realistic understanding of what that will represent over the entirety of ones life, rather than the shame riddled version that’s been offered above. We pretend it’s a “responsibility” issue in witholding understanding of sexual desires from adolescents, but if you evaluate the adult population, is this theory working? It seems like every time I stop to watch the local news, there’s a headline story about deviant sexual behavior occurring in the area. Do the people involved in these socially unacceptable acts have defective genetics, or is this behavior learned as a mutation from this failed process I mentioned? 

Women spend their lives attempting to measure up to a standard of perfection, that simply doesn’t exist in reality. They grow up seeing portrayals of other women crafted for them to make them believe they aren’t good enough unless the fit this hypothetical cutout. Do their mothers and fathers ever have meaningful conversations about healthy desire and connections to others to feed what millions of years of evolution have laid out for us? Instead, they become fully functioning adults uncertain about their worthiness, and the beauty they hold inside, and sexual pleasure is a stumbled upon story of hidden trial and error. 

Men are raised on the idea of being tough, proud, and viral. You’re only as good as your brawn and penis allow you to be. We are a delivery system for an erection, and income to take care of our primary responsibility of providing. No one in my entire family ever explained, or even discussed the concept of pleasuring a woman, and making her feel worthy of my attention. “Don’t have adulterated sex and get someone pregnant ruining your lives” as though there were no alternatives? Heavan forbid we cultivate a healthy foundation for something so fundamentally vital as the proper behavior associated with that raging boner in ninth grade algebra class. 

I find myself imagining a society of humans that have found the capacity to move beyond these constraints of our past. Living a full life just might involve a little gratification with another person. It’s apparent to me disengagement from the idea of how we see ourselves and others behind this adolescent mask of shame isn’t a comprehensive view of the story…

#shame